Pikler enthusiasts from around the world came together today Tuesday Feb 3rd for a week of learning about Emmi Pikler’s Care Pedagogy. Judit Hafner explained her vision of the child: The child is someone who is open to the world, curious, accepting of themselves and loving themselves.
What does quality care mean for you?
Creating a situation where children can develop healthy personalities. In order to create this environment there has to be constant back and forth. Quality care is care that stays consistent. Quality care is the foundation for development.
Quality care transmits warm, care, trust. In order for the adult to give quality care depends on their image of the child. Quality care depends on how they see the child.
Judit explained her vision of the child: The child is someone who is open to the world, curious, accepting of themselves and loving themselves. Judit holds an image of the child as being open, curious, accepting of themselves and loving. It also works the other way around.
Children will become like this if they receive Quality care. If the adult has the image of the child being helpless the child will act helpless. If they have the image of them as the human being they will act like human beings.
At the Pikler Institute they never treat the child as an object. They treat them as human beings. Human beings who are able to see, remember and understand things around them or they will understand if they are given the chance. This illustrates how we see children in the Piklerian approach.
It entails a lot of different things to relate to a child as a human being:
Telling the child what I am going to do before I do it so they are never caught by surprise. They always have the time to prepare.
Our voice always precedes our movement. We make a point of pausing a little bit between saying and doing something because children need time to understand to get prepared for what is going to happen to them.
Judit gave an example of dressing a child. When I dress a young infant I take the vest and insert my fingers in the hold. I show this to them and say can I have your arm and I pause for a moment. In this way they have the time to think about it. If they feel like it they can even help me by reaching out.
Or in the case of an old infant someone who can already take their shirt off or socks off first I will tell them would you like to take your shirt off or socks off. I give them time to think if they want to do this. I give them time before I jump into help.
It might happen they can already do this but in that moment they don’t feel like it but that’s okay I wait to see if they need my help.
They won’t be reproached. I wait and help if and when needed. They can say no. And then we will do this for them.
Question: I asked where does spontaneity come into the process.
Judit responded by talking about the relationship with the caregiver and child. No matter how practiced or experienced the caregiver is if they don’t know the child the sequence might not work.
We need the child for the sequence to work. In the Infant Home (the orphanage) we had a set routine and it always started on the rights side so children get used to how it happens.
And it was very important because children could count on it happening the same way no matter which caregiver was working with them. In the daycare center children come from families and they will have different routines in the families. They will be dressed from the back and other things.
This is important to know so you understand that in the first few instances we might not be synchronized. I might ask for the right hand and he gives the right leg. We need to learn to get to know each other. We need to get to know each other’s ways.
On the first day the child might not let me touch them. And I might have the Pikler caregiving experience but I need to accept what the child wants. He might not work with me that day but might the next day.
So what the caregiving experience is great for is that it lets me know that this is the situation
and I might need to step back. So what ever I do no matter what I always factor in the child as well.
Question: One of the participants asked: What do we do when we don’t speak the language of the child? The example was given of needing to change a child’s diaper and the child doesn’t speak the language and doesn’t want to be changed.
Judit said it depends on when the mom comes back. She said she wouldn’t insist if the mother is coming right back. The child can last until the mother comes back. If it will be a long time I would talk to them. I would explain to them what is going on. The tone of the language is important.
Question: The question was asked. What would you do if you asked for the left hand but the child gave you the right one playing with you or in some other way.
Judit responded when a child starts playing with us in that way we are really happy. It is a sign that they feel comfortable in the daycare. It shows they feel comfortable.
They allow themselves to do something like that it shows she is brave enough to change the routine. This means she is comfortable in the relations. I would go along with it.
Question: The question was asked. What if the child is lazy and doesn’t want to do it on their own
Judit responded I have met children like that. I would go in small steps. I start and they finish.
And then they get a taste of it, how great it is to do on my own, I would do a little part of it. Put the foot in the sock and let them do the rest. Small steps.
Question: What if they can do the whole thing and you know it but they just want you to do it?
Judit responded there was a group once where a lot of the children didn’t want to participant in their own dressing. They were around three years old.
What we observed in that group was that they were happy to participant in dressing when we were going or coming back from the garden. They were not that enthusiastic to get dress for the nap.
What we decided is that they must be very tired by then. So that was one aspect of it. The other is there is a period for children when verbal communication gets so important to them that it over rides what we were doing before. In this period being together one on one is more about speaking instead of working together.
So you can say in that situation you can say I can see that you would rather talk right now. You can show them and tell them again, here is your arm, can you give me your arm. It might happen they are so much in their space they don’t even pay attention.
I would not force them in doing it for themselves and I would not reproach them for not doing it. But I would in a light tone say, “oh I can see that you don’t feel like dressing yourself.’ There can be some humor in that.
Most children get to the stage by the time they are going on to kindergarten they are able to dress themselves. There is this element of trusting the child that they are able to do it. One participant stressed the pressure of having to prepare the child for kindergarten. Judit said that pressure can have an effect on the relationship.
Judit pointed out that another big topic in quality of care is not rushing children. Having the time for each nappy (diaper) change. This is related to the daily routine. The daily routine of the individual child so the 10-15 minutes can be given to each child.
When we say don’t rush we mean the caregiver is their with the child for those 10-15 minutes being physically and mental being present.
Another guideline is talk to the child. Talk to the child even if they don’t seem to be reacting, even if they are really small.
Even if they don’t understand they will understand. Think about the young infants we can talk about their emotions, what we see on their face, their gaze what we see them looking at.
We can talk about what is going to be happening to them. It is important to use actual real words not baby words. It is important that the tone of our voice does not change.
The intonation doesn’t change. We talk to then as if we are talking to an adult. We avoid big inflections. We keep an even realistic natural tone.
Question: A student asked for an example of the tone.
Judit let us know that she got the Pikler Prize. When Anna gave the speech offering the award she told the story of listening to Judit speak and she could not tell if Judit was talking to an adult or a child.
Judit explained this is her natural way of talking. This is her personality but a different caregiver would speak in their own style. It is fine for a caregivers to speak in a way that expresses their character. The main point is that your emotions and speech are in sync.
Some might speak in a sing song voice that can be okay. It is just when it goes to the extremes in some way or when it is too kind. Children will sense when it is not sincere. They sense when it is too much. It will some how communicate to the child that I am big and you are little.
I brought up how we are taught is that children hear the higher tones better so we teach teachers to speak in their higher register. Judit said in her opinion the children don’t like it.
They get annoyed. They get the sense of you not being honest. They see through that. I believe and it is my experience they will know if the adult says something that is not true. A participant talked about her experience of caregivers speaking in a false high voice that she read an article about this way of speaking being incongruous with the emotions.
In the article it talked about how children sense who you are before you say anything. Judit talked about the environment. That it’s important to make sure that everything is there where you need it. Also the space where we change or dress the children.
It is good if it can be a corner. A place that is not very busy where other people come and go. It is good to have the Pikler dressing table. This is used for the youngest. The dressing table has bars on two sides and the bars are higher with stairs so the children can get up on the dressing table by themselves.
The dressing table is not large enough for them to lie down. They stand. The older child dress themselves on the floor, a pillar or mat. The child has a stool and the adult sits on a bit higher stool in front of them. At Pikler they decide which space to use based on the child’s development not their age.
They might have two children of the same age and one might be changed on the changing table because of their ability and another child might be on the dressing table. We decide based on the child.
We watched a clip form the infant home of the bathing of a child about seven months. We were asked to think about:
The video was and experience to watch a real human experience. Another participant saw presence. She recognized how hard it is to give the total presence.
Judit said that is true. In the Infants Home (the orphanage) we had the system of bathing four children in the morning and four in the afternoon. Having to bath eight child one after another that would have been very monotone but breaking it up was doable.
Each and every child is different. For us it can be a fuel to get to know each and everyone. What is he going to show me today. What new thing is he going to show me about myself. Another participant talked about how active and receptive the child in the video was.
This boy knew the choreography and he did many of the things Judit asked. Also Judit gave time for the child to respond and help. When she told him she wanted to unbutton his shirt he became a little less active in those moments.
From watching the video and listening to Judit we were able to see that the child’s got the experience of what ever happens to me I can expect it because this is how it goes every day so I know what is going to happen to me. One participant talked about how it looked like an enjoyable experience.
Another commented that is how you get your cup filled. Judit acknowledged that the feed back she gets from the child that he is happy fills her. Judit asked about the hands.
How were the caregivers hands?
Participants responded the hands were gentle. Judit asked about the speaking. Was it parallel or was it a dialogue. Judit pointed out this is very important for a child this small. It is important that we stop our voice when the child is talking.
When we stop it means for the child that it is there time. I am waiting for them to say something. I am happy with their voice. Judit would even stop in her motion sometimes when the child was speaking.
She would do this to show that this is important. I am listening to you. I would like to hear what you have to say. A participant pointed our how the caregiver followed the child. The child set the pace for the changing moments.
Judit confirmed this and said the child was also able to choose his own positions and the caregiver put the clothes on the way he was. This is another important part of quality care. The child doesn’t have to be in any specific position. The caregiver follows the child’s movements and works with them where they are.
When she spoke to some children in the play area that communicates to the children that even though I am not there you are important to me. Judit emphasized that the soft touch that he received from her was important. How he was able to lean his weight against her.
These things communicate to the child that I am important to her. It means to him it is nice to touch me. This adds to his image of himself. This touch sends the message I am good, I am good to touch.
According to Pikler the hands of the caregiver are important to the child. Their first experience of the world is through the caregivers hands. That will be their picture of the world.
Judit asked what other ways are there for the infant to have an influence on the adult?
Participants offered direction and pace of the care. The child can effect
Nora Mate-feniasz Cooperation, Alignment During Care Situation.
Nora came to work at the Pikler House in 2007. It was the infants home back then (the orphanage). I started working as an assistant to the caregivers. A slot opened and I got the opportunity to be a caregiver.
I took time off went to the university and worked other places. I couldn’t leave I was drawn back and came to work in another group. Since I have my own child six years ago I have been working in the parent child program. When I was asked to talk about this topic I thought it was very difficult.
We are having different sessions that talk about this topic. I feel that all of these topics are interrelated. We will talk about caregiving and how it is possible to adjust in these situation. The daily caregiving routines mark the child’s day during their waking hours. It is weaved through their day.
It is great if these situations can be joyful for the adult and the infant. The adult is trying to work for the physical wellbeing of the child all the time. To receive the signs coming from the children and react to them. The physical wellbeing is where the child gains confidence in the adult.
On the one hand when we say cooperating with the infant we mean the child agrees to it. So whatever happens to the child is communicated to them and they have give their consent. It also means they are active participants in these situations.
There are a few conditions if we want children to participate and be happy. The most basic condition is that the adult and the child are in a very good relationship. They have a trusting relationship. The child need to be prepared for what is happening to them.
Thirdly, we need to give them time to process and agree to what is happening to them. These situations have their specific time and space. That is also what helps to define the boundaries of this situation.
When we speak about cooperation picture a young infant that gives us their arm, stretches their arm so I can take off the vest, or they stand up so it is easier to take their pants off, in these situation the child know well how the process goes.
That is how they are able to participate. But during the care situation at times their attention might go some place else. They are consenting but they are not participating. They might be paying attention to the environment, or sound from the street or the children next door. A lot of the times when they are older and they have been in the daycare for a long time they start to speak.
They tell us about what every happened at home or in the morning at play. It might happen they are tired and they want to make the best of this situation and rest. At this time they might let the caregiver do the work.
Nora Mate-feniasz Cooperation, Alignment During Care Situation.
Nora came to work at the Pikler House in 2007. It was the infants home back then (the orphanage). I started working as an assistant to the caregivers. A slot opened and I got the opportunity to be a caregiver.
I took time off went to the university and worked other places. I couldn’t leave I was drawn back and came to work in another group. Since I have my own child six years ago I have been working in the parent child program. When I was asked to talk about this topic I thought it was very difficult.
We are having different sessions that talk about this topic. I feel that all of these topics are interrelated. We will talk about caregiving and how it is possible to adjust in these situation. The daily caregiving routines mark the child’s day during their waking hours. It is weaved through their day.
It is great if these situations can be joyful for the adult and the infant. The adult is trying to work for the physical wellbeing of the child all the time. To receive the signs coming from the children and react to them. The physical wellbeing is where the child gains confidence in the adult.
On the one hand when we say cooperating with the infant we mean the child agrees to it. So whatever happens to the child is communicated to them and they have give their consent. It also means they are active participants in these situations.
There are a few conditions if we want children to participate and be happy. The most basic condition is that the adult and the child are in a very good relationship. They have a trusting relationship. The child need to be prepared for what is happening to them.
Thirdly, we need to give them time to process and agree to what is happening to them. These situations have their specific time and space. That is also what helps to define the boundaries of this situation.
When we speak about cooperation picture a young infant that gives us their arm, stretches their arm so I can take off the vest, or they stand up so it is easier to take their pants off, in these situation the child know well how the process goes.
That is how they are able to participate. But during the care situation at times their attention might go some place else. They are consenting but they are not participating. They might be paying attention to the environment, or sound from the street or the children next door. A lot of the times when they are older and they have been in the daycare for a long time they start to speak.
They tell us about what every happened at home or in the morning at play. It might happen they are tired and they want to make the best of this situation and rest. At this time they might let the caregiver do the work.
We watched a video and discussed.
Even though the child was big the caregivers decided to change her on the changing table. The caregiver knew that this child liked to lay down when being changed. It could be a habit that comes from home.
I do not feel bad for the child. This is a familiar situation for her. She is trying to bring something from home that is familiar to her. It looks a little like resistance because her body is not going with what might look like free movement. For example the caregiver was planning to sit her down but she lays down immediately.
The caregiver then asks would you like to lay down? When Lilly resists and stands up to look out the window the caregiver says she can watch but can she lift up her leg. At that point the child laid back down. A workshop participant pointed out how this was an example of the caregiver moving forward with small bits of cooperation by asking her to lift her leg. The caregiver is guided by the goal of changing the nappy (diaper) but she is aware of when the child wants to change the topic.
Cooperation doesn’t mean that the child helps continuously it is rather about the child and the adult being in sync in a harmonious way. We watched the video again. The caregiver prepared the child with her words. That is the first participation.
We use words to encourage them to do the things they are attempting in order to encourage the cooperation. Asking them question as well is a way of communicating. I react to what I see. If I see they want to do something I formulate that and it can be in a statement or questions. The focus is on giving the possibility.
Open the possibility for their participation. Goal is to turn the child’s attention back to what will come next. It also expresses this is going to happen even if you do not help. You can decide to participate or not. There was a question: What if they choose not to participate? Nóra said that happens. Nóra added, a lot depends on the child’s age and at what point in her life we connect with her. It depends on if we have developed a trusting relationship with her.
Developing that relationship might take a longer time and it might be a more difficult task for some caregivers, but in general most children will realize this is a chance for having joyful encounter with each other. It is an intimate encounter.
It is a chance for the child and caregiver to really connect with each other and pay attention to each other. During the play time the caregiver doesn’t give so much attention to each child.
They learn during the care situation that they can have the one on one with the caregiver. They would like to have that sort of relationship. Sometimes they will make it longer because they want to stay there for longer time. There is no formula it depends on the child but if I the caregiver knows it needs to come off it will happen.
We were asked to close our eyes and then asked what image of caring for an infant changing a nappy comes to you. The responses were intimate touch, caring, talking through the process, enjoyment, face close to the baby, opportunity to strengthen the attachment, comfortable atmosphere.
Nóra said this can be the first phrase of the relationship, eye contact and following each other gaze. It’s interesting to know that this relationship is directed by the eyes, so a dialogue might develop through this process. Even a small infant can signal that they are tired. When you think about it every human relationship has this phrase when we pay attention to each other. Looking into each other’s eyes is an important way to establish a relationship.
It happens in all human relations. When we fall in love we want to gaze at our lover. In Pikler these encounters of eye contact define the relationship. It helps the infant when they know when the adult will bend over and have their eyes for them.
It gives them the security when they know when this is going to happen. When new caregivers come on they do not have direct relationship with the children. When Nóra started she was like a shadow. She was helping the caregivers changing the bed sheets, setting things up. This would be the first task given to the new caregiver.
Then they would learn a lot about the Pikler approach. What was important that while we were working like this we had the opportunity to observe what the experienced caregivers were like. After this short period ends, when we started to become active in the group there would be one child that would be directly under our care and we would gradually get more and more children.
Things happen gradually. It helped the children and it helps us. There is a slow transition for the children and for us. Even for us as adults it is helpful for us to know when we can expect something to happen. We prepare the children verbally what is going to happen with them. Just think about your gynecologist appointment.
You don’t know when or where they are going to touch you. It is important that the doctor establishes eye contact and tells you when and where they are going to touch you. Dora said respect translates, moves through and allows us to give it to others. This is why I like to use this example because it raises the venerability and the impact of respect. We strive for respect for children but don’t think of it for ourself.
Respect is the consideration of another and taking in that other’s feeling. Children who come to our daycare may feel strange because this is not what they experience all the time. It is not that they don’t come from loving families it is just that the atmosphere is different.
Getting used to this takes a little time also. The first phrase of the relationship is when we look at each and pay attention to each other. The second phrase we call joint attention we don’t pay attention to each other but we pay attention to the same thing. In the Pikler house it is what helps us make this process smooth throughout.
We don’t just make eye contact we follow their attention. The first and second phrase are mutually important in building the relationship. They are not steps they are aspects of that original contact. The way our eyes are made white on the outside and black on the inside helps us know where humans are looking.
We often follow the gaze of the infant. With the young infants they lie on their back and their gaze goes on the lamp. We follow their gaze. We look at the lamp. We have joint attention and then we bring their gaze back. It is important getting from the first stage to the second stage from the care situation.
Going from gazing at each other to following the gaze keeps us connected. First I would get over her and show her the sleeve of the shirt and ask her to put her arm in it. She looks at it and then get’s interested in something else. When she looks away that beautiful thing is not there. For new caregivers it might be a difficult thing that the relationship changes so quickly.
Many methodologies say it is very important for the faces to be looking at each other from the point of view of the relationship. You might feel like you are doing something wrong you can not get the infant to look at you. Or parents might be frightened this is going to be difficult. Many times this can result in a change in the relations of the child and the parent.
Instead of establishing or going into the joint attention phrases these actions of the child looking away take the child in different a direction. This is in fact a difficult transition phrase. You need to think about how to get into this second phrase with and active child. In this approach what helps us is that we are working for the future.
With the very young infants we start to do the second phrase. I don’t just lean over her and offer her my eyes I also offer her the arm. I am following her gaze from a very young age. From a very young infant I am following her gaze. We don’t use song we use speech. We have met families who had certain songs for certain situations.
It’s not horrible. We don’t do it. The other idea that helps us is as the adult I know what the path is. Where we start and were we need to go to. For instance if the infant needs to have their nappy changed. I will take him to the table, change them, take them back.
I have to keep in mind that the child does not have this map in her head and will diverge. A Pikler caregiver will know that the child doesn’t have the map in their head but will bring them back. This is where the art comes in. I know what needs to be done but I need to know what is in the child’s head and let them go and come back.
It’s like you take a child into a forest you want to get from A to B. There is a path we want to take but on the way the child will diverge to pick up a rock, watch some insects, go to the log pile. I might look at the rock, comment on the insects, let her go to the log pile and wait but I know were I want to get to. I know there will be divergents.
In the end I know that we will get there. It is also important to remember that this is a mutual path. Not my way or the child’s way but us working out a way. To realize quality care we have to realize the partnership with the child.
When we say to parent that we don’t offer toys while changing the nappy, we deliberately slow down our motions some how it seems as if the thought that all this is happening with the body of my child is very unusual. We watched another video. We were asked. what did we see.
The child was playing with her hands and the caregivers face. The caregiver followed the child’s attention. The joint attention was there and the caregiver was getting the task done. In the beginning the child played pee boo and she initiated it. This might be something they do after care time she was expecting the caregiver to do that.
What we see in the video is that the child can satisfy their interest and return to the task.
Andrea Szöke Self-Experiment
Andrea is a Pedegog at the Pikler currently director of the daycare center.
