“What do we do when parents and child care providers aren’t on the same page?”
Great question. And if you’ve ever worked with children, you already know—no two adults agree on everything.
Show me two humans who never disagree, and I’ll show you a lovely window display at Target. At least mannequins are honest about being fake. Because real people with real opinions see things differently.
And that’s okay.
Hi, I’m Ms. Emmy! With over 30 years in early childhood development, I know that the real challenge isn’t getting parents to agree with you—it’s figuring out how to work together for the child’s best interest.
You Won’t Always See Eye to Eye—That’s Normal
As a professional, you bring expertise, training, and experience to child development. Parents bring deep personal investment, family values, and lived experience with their child.
At the Pikler Institute, they say: “Parents care for children because they love them, and caregivers love children because they care for them.”
This deep connection can bring shared purpose, but it can also lead to differences in perspective.
Naturally, sometimes your perspective and theirs won’t match.
Maybe you see that a child would benefit from a more consistent routine, but the parent believes in letting things flow naturally.
Maybe you know that sleep training isn’t harmful, but the parent insists their child will feel abandoned.
Maybe you’re suggesting more social play, but the parent worries about overstimulation.
These differences don’t mean one side is “right” and the other is “wrong.” They just mean you’re approaching the child’s needs from different angles.
Instead of focusing on convincing parents to adopt your perspective, focus on where your priorities align.
Find the Common Ground and Work from There
When you hit a disagreement, take a step back. Instead of zeroing in on where you don’t align, find what you both want for the child.
Most parents and professionals agree on at least a few key things:
- The child should feel safe and secure.
- The child should have opportunities to learn and grow.
- The child’s emotional needs should be met with care and respect.
That’s your starting point.
For example:
- If a parent resists structured naps but agrees that their child needs rest, work on a flexible rest routine.
- If a parent isn’t comfortable with group play but wants their child to develop social skills, suggest small, low-pressure interactions.
- If a parent is unsure about limits and boundaries but values kindness, focus on positive redirection as a way to teach making positive choices.
Once they see that you’re not forcing your expertise on them but rather partnering with them, they’ll be more open to conversation.
When Parents Push Back: How to Keep the Conversation Open
Some parents strongly resist professional advice, even when it’s backed by research. Maybe they had a bad experience with an educator in the past, or maybe they just don’t trust outside input. Either way, the best way forward is through conversation, not confrontation.
Here’s how to keep discussions productive:
- Acknowledge Their Concerns. Instead of saying, “That’s not how child development works,” try, “I hear that you’re worried about this. Let’s talk through what you’ve seen at home.”
- Share, Don’t Lecture. Instead of saying, “This is the right way to do it,” try, “In my experience, I’ve seen this work really well. Would you be open to trying it for a week?”
- Offer Small Adjustments Instead of Big Overhauls. If a parent resists change, start small. Instead of revamping the entire routine, suggest one simple shift—something easy to implement.
What If You Still Don’t See Eye to Eye?
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, a parent won’t budge.
Maybe they insist that their child never needs discipline or that sugar before bedtime is fine or that their two-year-old should be reading chapter books by next week.
When that happens:
- Stick to what’s in your control. You may not be able to change home routines, but you can maintain consistency and best practices while the child is in your care.
- Pick your battles. If safety or emotional well-being is at risk, push for the conversation. If it’s just a difference in style, it may not be worth the fight.
- Trust that children adapt. Even when there are different rules at home and in your care, kids adjust—what matters most is that they feel secure wherever they are.
When It Feels Impossible: What to Do Next
There will be times when, no matter how much you listen, adjust, and collaborate, a parent simply won’t agree with your professional recommendations.
But remember: You don’t need a parent’s full agreement to make a difference in a child’s life.
Even when a child experiences one set of expectations at home and another in your care, they still benefit from what you provide.
- A child with no structure at home can still benefit from the predictability of your routines.
- A child who doesn’t hear “no” at home can still learn gentle boundaries from you.
- A child whose home life feels unstable can still experience safety, respect, and emotional security in your care.
Children are incredibly adaptive. While it’s ideal for parents and professionals to work in sync, it’s not a requirement for the child to develop under your care.
The Long Game: Trust the Work You’re Doing
Being a professional in early childhood education means accepting that you won’t always see immediate results.
Some parents will push back.
Some won’t take your advice.
Some will insist they know better.
But children still learn from what you model, the structure you provide, and the security you create.
Even when collaboration with parents feels impossible, your work still matters.
So keep showing up. Keep offering guidance. Keep planting those seeds.
Because whether or not a parent ever fully agrees with you, the child will still benefit from what you give them.
That’s the real work. That’s what lasts.
And if one day you ever find a parent and a professional who agree on absolutely everything? Well, let me know—I’ll be over here with the Target mannequins.
Your Turn—Let’s Talk!
Have you ever had a moment where you and a parent weren’t on the same page?
How did you handle it?
What worked? What didn’t?
Drop a comment, share your thoughts, and let’s keep the conversation going—because we’re all in this together.
